Full of the wit and mischievous indiscretion that has gained him such a cult following, packed with gossip and insider knowledge of the theatre business, and containing enough savvy advice on acting to kickstart a career, West End Producer's book offers tips (both practical and deliciously impractical) on:

  • Getting into drama school (learning how to sit in a circle)

  • Auditioning (perfecting the 'staring vacantly out front' pose)

  • Rehearsal techniques (including how to act in a serious play)

  • The different kinds of actor (from sex pest to company idiot)

  • Combating boredom (and avoiding backstage naughtiness)

  • How to behave at first-night parties (obeying the traffic-light colour code)

  • And, most importantly, the correct way to bow at the curtain call  


Also included in the book are many of West End Producer’s most memorable tweets, miniature comic salvos despatched with all the shrewdness of a man who truly knows his Barrowmans from his Balls.

'Prepare to be shocked, rocked and mocked in this genuinely laugh-out-loud-funny, lovingly crafted, meticulously researched, spookily insightful and accurately spelled guide to all things thespian.' Michael Ball

'one of the most deliciously enjoyable, hugely entertaining and frequently hilarious books of the year'

Michael Quinn, The Stage's Books of the Year 2013

'Hilarious... This wonderful book is funny, helpful and a must-have'

Actor Hub

'the funniest book I have read this year... nuggets of fine observation and wisdom'

The Stage

'Funny, irreverent and insightful... guaranteed to have tears of laughter streaming down your cheeks'

The Public Reviews

Press Quotes
Everything you ALwayS....
NEWS - this book will be available as an audiobook in October 2017, dear.